No, Really, Thank You

I’m not going to lie. I have high expectations when it comes to customer service. I have worked in retail and customer service for over 15 years. When I am the customer and things go wrong, I expect action. I expect compensation and I expect REALLY good customer service.

Now I know what you’re probably thinking: Oh, she’s one of those. No, I am so not. I have been berated for company policy I had no say over, nor the authority to change. I’ve been screamed at, yelled at, been called stupid AND fat. I mean fine, insult my intelligence but don’t talk about the size of my butt on top of that. There’s only so much a person can take, you know? I’ve had people cry, throw things and threaten to sue me. Sue me! Like it’s my fault beer and suede don’t mix. I’ve been told I was the WORST manager EVER—and while I am very competitive I’m quite certain that’s not true. I’ve been called mean, incompetent and un-Christian. I’ve been given the EVIL EYE too many times to count, burdened with curses of various origins and I’m quite certain there is a voodoo doll out there somewhere with my face on it.

I have dealt with too many of those kind of people to actually be one. I’m not going to yell at some mid-level employee whose hands are basically tied. What’s the point? I also know that the kinder a complaining person is and the more understanding and patient they are, the more likely said mid-level employee with tied hands will bend the rules. I have been one of those people.

So when I ran into a problem with Turbo Tax last year, a program I’ve used with great success for nearly 10 years, I did what I wish every screaming, yelling, searing, evil-eye-giving customer I ever had would have done. I first researched the problem to see if I could solve it myself. The problem involved a glitch in the Minnesota State taxes. An unfixable glitch, I found out from reading the tech support forums.

An unfixable glitch? What the hell does that mean?

It means I can’t file electronically. Not federal taxes, not state taxes. I have to print them out and MAIL THEM. Like in the MAIL. At the POST OFFICE, which if you’ve read any of my other posts you know I hate to go there. As if that’s not bad enough, I’m not filing the 1040EZ form here. No. I’m filing the big people’s tax form with every schedule known to middle class suburbanites. I am talking like a ream and a half of paper, not to mention more stamps than I have on hand which means I am going to have to stand in line at the stupid post office.

An email to tech support yields no help. I’m informed they are aware of the problem and I am to just mail in my ream of tax forms. The whole point of using Turbo Tax is to file electronically. Period. But, I’ve already paid and now my hands are tied. I send another email to customer service explaining my plight and how after 10 years I’m disappointed in the service. I express how happy I’ve been and how much I like their product. I tell them I don’t feel that I got the service I paid for and how I know they will want to compensate me for this inconvenience.

I hear a big fat nothing. Not even an acknowledgement of my complaint.

Until now. On February 28th of this year I receive an email from Turbo Tax thanking me for my feedback. A year later! In addition to so generously thanking me for my feedback they invited me to join the Turbo Tax Inner Circle. ME! Invited to the INNER CIRCLE! THE INNER CIRCLE!

What does this mean? It means that I am in an influential group of customers who share ideas, suggest improvements and give feedback on early prototypes. The benefit of being in the inner circle is that I will know my input is being used and heard by Turbo Tax to improve their products.

Do you know what this says to me? It says, hey, we want you to work for us! For free! But we think you’re really special, Inner Circle member! Mostly because you’ll be working for us! For free! So not only is Turbo Tax not going to acknowledge my dissatisfaction or god forbid, give me so much as a frickin’ 10% off coupon on this year’s taxes, they are trying to get me to work for them! For free!

Fortunately I left junior high 25 years ago and the idea of being in the Turbo Tax Inner Circle has about as much appeal as having 32 friendship pins on my sneakers and a laminated Go-Go’s Fan Club Member card in my red nylon Velcro wallet.