In my first course of graduate school, I wrote a paper about the Internet and the impact it would have on our everyday lives. At the time, the Internet was relatively new for the everyday user and was touted as being the Best Thing Ever! Checks and cash would be obsolete as all transactions, bill paying, shopping and ordering pizza could all be done on-line with electronic transfers. You could meet people from anywhere in the world and have all the information you would ever need, right at your fingertips. Why, you would never have to leave the house. Or shower and get dressed. Or actually talk to people ever.
I was appalled. Truly. I wrote a scathing paper practically denouncing the Internet as the fall of, not just civilization as we know it, but civilization altogether. I envisioned pasty heavy-weight people sitting around in their underwear mesmerized by the glow of the computer screen living under the illusion they were really living their lives when in reality, they had no life at all. I thought it possible that we would all be sucked up in the vortex of technology and our very humanity would shrivel and die from lack of use. At the time, my professor seemed amused by the passion of my reaction while I thought she was just flat-out in denial. I must say, I understand her amusement now. She knew then what I have come to learn in the past ten years.
Don't believe the hype.
Few things turn out exactly as they are planned. Even fewer things turn out exactly as they are marketed. So even if a bunch of techno geeks think that the idea of living life completely on-line is a desirable and attainable goal, it doesn't mean it is going to happen just that way. There is the always the complete unpredictability of humans to muck up any idealistic vision and often, this is a good thing.
As I look back I realize now that I was completely terrified by the vision of living life on-line because it was so appealing. As an introvert I don't always enjoy having to talk to people either by phone or face to face. On some level, I thought I could easily be one of those chubby pasty-faced people I envisioned in front of the computer having superficial contact with faceless people who may or may not be who they say they are and having no real life or friends to speak of. Let's just say I was prone to near-hysteria by my lack of self-knowledge. At that time, I was living my life as a full-on extrovert (I do a great impression of an extrovert. Many people who know me have no idea that I consider myself an introvert. I have this nervous talking thing which apparently fools a lot of people.) because I thought it was the only way I would ever be successful at anything at all. I had no confidence in who I was, and like so many young women, I put on a masquerade of who I thought I should be and really, who I thought I wanted to be. I thought that as an extrovert (I even managed to fool myself for a while) I was not the sort of person who had need of this technology.
Fortunately, I am a wiser person now. I may not have actual need of this technology but I do find that some days it makes life more manageable.
Like when you are stuck in the house with a screaming infant (why won't he stop? I don't know! Well, I can't take him anywhere!), it is awfully nice to click on a few pictures and have some nice person come to your house to deliver milk, bread and Diet Pepsi.
Or when you are a woman living in outstate Minnesota (outside of Minneapolis-St. Paul that is which means, of course, far less shopping) who has a 34 inch inseam and who would like a pair of pants that does not show your ankles.
Or when you are a fledgling writer who has worked in sales and marketing for 12 years and don't really have a clue about how to get started in this new field and don't know people who could perhaps help you (and even if you did know someone, you would be too afraid to call them anyway).
It is not good, however, for ordering pizza. You are just going to have to suck it up and call the pizza place directly so they can tell you it is going to take 2 hours for your pizza to arrive. This will actually save you a lot of time and energy and prevent a low-blood sugar induced near coma.
See? Those cyber-geeks don't know everything.
My point is this: I decide.
I decide how much I let technology affect my life for either for better or worse. I decide if I am going to live my life as an extrovert or an introvert. I decide if I am going to live my life for other people or for myself. I decide if I am going to be successful or not. I decide who I am.
And the funny thing is, often the answers aren't black or white. It isn't this or that but rather a careful navigation of all the options I have before me. It is rather like walking a tight rope, only the rope has twists and turns, which only makes the journey much more difficult yet more interesting and ultimately more satisfying.
I can safely say, as an older, wiser, stronger woman that I absolutely won't get sucked up in a vortex of technology and my humanity is alive and well and doing just fine, thank you.
Now excuse me, I have to go take a shower...
Disclaimer: The term techno/cyber-geek is in no way intended to be offensive or denigrating to anyone, but rather as a somewhat affectionate term because mostly, I am in awe. I was actually married to a self-professed cyber-geek who I still actually like (he fixes my computer), so if you wish to complain, contact him directly.
Is is the weather? Everything seems so depressed. Even the Golden Globes seemed depressing. Everyone seemed so dour. Don't they have an open bar there? And I know they had these magnum bottles of champagne on the tables. Maybe that was it. I tuned in during the mid-drunken funk which occurs about 2 hours after drinking has commenced and about an hour or so before whatever event you are stuck in is due to end leaving you with a spinning head and little of the actual enjoyment of being drunk. So instead of seeing happy tipsy people, feeling fabulous in their often hideous attire (Did you see Teri Hatcher? What was with that dress? I hear she is auctioning it off now. Good riddance.) and excited to see who won, I tune in to see a bunch of Hollywood folk wishing Robin Williams would just shut up so they can get on to the after party where their drunkeness will have an outlet. Perhaps that is it...I can hope.
Newsflash: Prince was there. Prince! On the stage, talking! For real. OK, I don't really know what he said (other than a well deserved compliment to Jamie Foxx for his portrayal of Ray Charles) or why he was there because I was so excited to see him. There! On the stage! Talking! Prince is like the White Rabbit. You see him enough to know he exists, but he's often really hard to find. And at an awards show? For movies? No way. That's very exciting, particulary to Minnesotans because really, he is, unarguably, the coolest native. And he still lives here. Which I think makes the rest of us feel better about living here. Particularly in January.
Anyway, maybe I can attribute the glumness of the Golden Globes to alcohol but that doesn't explain everything else. I would like to think that this is just my particular outlook on life (right now, at least. I certainly hope it isn't a permanent condition). That the stess of building a house, selling a house and moving over Christmas just took the fun right out of the season and beyond, yet I talked to a lot of people and they just weren't feeling it either. So I look for answers.
Theory #1
The weather was just too nice.
See, we have an expectation of Christmas weather and no snow and 40 degrees ain't it. So instead of keeping warm shopping at the mall or baking Christmas cookies we spent it enjoying the weather outside and then by the time Christmas was a week away, we had nothing done and then had to rush, therefore causing stress, unhappiness and an unmitagated desire for Christmas just to be over.
Theory #2
The presidential election sucked.
When an election is that close, you gotta know there is going to be a lot of unhappy people. And I'm sorry, even if you voted for Bush, you must know he is an ass. How can anybody not know he is an ass? I think this election will go down as one of the top contenders for use of the "lesser of two evils" voting strategy. Who can be happy when the choice is between not great and worse? But I know many people were more comfortable with Bush finishing what he started, which brings me to...
Theory #3
The War.
It goes without saying that this a Very Bad War. The reasons why our troops were sent in the first place were unfounded and what was supposed to be short and sweet has lingered far too long with some of the most heinous violence being committed against our soldiers and citizens. This war was supposed to be over some time ago with few casualties, yet too often on the news I hear of yet another local soldier who was just killed over there. It's not good.
Theory #4
The Tsunami.
Natural disasters are always frightening even when you live in a landlocked part of the world like Minnesota where things like tsunamies and hurricanes don't occur and our risk of earthquake is low. To know that no matter how evolved we are or what technology we have developed that we are no match for Mother Nature is a scary thing. I think we like to comfort ourselves with the idea that technology can save us and that we can actually predict this sort of thing but the reality is that often we cannot. Yes, it would have been better if there was a warning system in the Indian Ocean as there is in the Pacific, however, even that is not foolproof. And the horror of the human suffering is unbearable. Watching your child, spouse, friend, swept out to a never ending sea? Having to choose which child to hang on to because you can't hang on to both? It's all too much. Don't even get me started on the California mudslides...
So maybe it is me. Although when I talk to people, they seem to be having much of the same feelings. Maybe all of these things do weigh on all of us. Perhaps it is my age (and consequently the age of who I talk to. We are not 16 anymore), and I am more aware of these things and they bother me. I don't know. What I do know is that by and large we don't talk about these things. We pretend they don't exist, that they aren't heavy on our mind, but those feelings leak out anyway because I think at the end of the day, so many of us just feel really helpless.
Even the beautiful and famous people at the Golden Globes.
Coming next week:
Something far more fun and far less depressing. I promise. It is after all January in Minnesota and what could be better than that?
So here I am. For the most part, my obsession with this house is done. My life is mine again! I did learn a very important lesson, however, and that is building a house seems like fun, but is not. It's like planning a party or wedding. It seems like fun when other people do it but really it just consumes your life and becomes a big drag. But I digress..My life is mine again! And what luck, I'm surfing around on the web, looking at seemingly unrelated websites and find Blogger. I won't say it was my New Year's Resolution to start a blog because I don't believe in resolutions beyond the one that I make every year which is to make no New Year's Resolutions which ensures that I will at least follow through. You should try it sometime, it is very satisfying and a great sense of accomplishment. At any rate, it was a goal (different from a resolution-it's all about semantics and personal psychology) and I love when the ability to accomplish a goal just falls in your lap.
So here I am, completely unprepared to share my thoughts but ready to jump in anyway. After all, everyone is entitled to my opinion...
Posts
