One Little Question

What is it with those twenty-something males who are so in love with TV’s and stereos , DVD players and surround sound that they make it their life mission to know absolutely everything about the latest and greatest new gadget? You know the kind. They can hook up the computer to the TV through a wireless connection enabling them to control their TV from work. They can connect 8 different components to the TV and get them all to function. They know how to use all the features on the TV, DVD, satellite and cable the manual talks about but that the rest of us don’t know because reading the manual is sometimes confusing and boring. They are a virtual wealth of knowledge. So why then are they so stingy with it?

Perhaps it’s because they feel their knowledge is too hard won. All those Saturday nights spent playing X-box with like-minded individuals rather than out cultivating any sort of social life. And because they’re so lacking in the social skills department, they derive their power from this knowledge. They are elite. They are Technogods. To share this knowledge would demystify electronics and drain them of their power. They would be revealed for mere mortals and the socially-stunted geeks that they are.

Case in point, my husband and I went to the Home and Garden show this weekend. While strolling through the booths, I spotted a Best Buy booth with a widescreen TV. We had just purchased a widescreen TV and I had some questions about it. I got the brilliant idea to ask one of the Best Buy employees working the booth. It seemed reasonable at the time. I should have known after standing in the booth a couple of minutes that this guy was not eager to help. I forged ahead anyway.

When he finally came over, I explained to him that we had just purchased a widescreen TV from BEST BUY (you know, that company that provides your paychecks) and I was wondering under what circumstances would we use the widescreen feature because at this time the picture is distorted and is it necessary to have HDTV in order for it to not do that. I expected him to be interested, excited even to impart his knowledge to me. After all, isn’t talking about electronics what these people live for? Apparently not.

He looked at me as if I asked him if the TV needs electricity to function and with great disdain he said, “It shouldn’t.”

It shouldn’t. As if I am somehow watching the TV wrong. I further explained that it indeed is distorted in widescreen mode and again asked if this is because we don’t have HDTV.

He grabbed a remote and said, “Here, look. I’ll turn in on PBS-HD. See, it’s fine.”

Did he not hear what I said? Did he think I was so completely clueless that he didn’t even need to listen to me, never mind ask questions so as to get to the root of what I was really asking him? Again, I explained that we do not have HDTV so under what circumstances would we use the widescreen picture.

“You don’t have HDTV?” His contempt for me was so great I might as well have said that I use my hand for toilet paper and never wash.

I felt I was in some Sisyphusian loop as I explained to him once again that no, we do not have HDTV but I would like to know under what circumstances we could use the widescreen.

“Well, then just for DVD’s.” He was disgusted, I could tell. Probably thought, stupid middle aged people (Hey! I’m not middle-aged. I’m cool! I listen to New Order, and, uh, never mind). He started to walk away as if there was nothing further to talk about if I didn’t have HDTV.

No, no doesn’t work for that either. I was beginning to think that maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. I still hadn’t gotten an answer about the widescreen function and we hadn’t even gotten to the panorama or the two zoom functions.

He turned, exasperated. It was clear to me he’s had enough of this conversation. “Did you have us come out and install the TV?”

What? It’s a TV for god’s sake. What’s there to install?

For this I got a lecture (yes, a lecture from someone whose parents probably still pay his rent) about how televisions are much more complex than they used to be and you don’t just take them out of the box and plug them in and people don’t know what they are doing so they need to be professionally installed.

I took major offense at this since not only did I manage to plug the TV in question into the wall but I also hooked up the Tivo to the cable box (not the easiest configuration) and hooked up the DVD. I am not a technophobe by any standards. I’ve known how to program a VCR since the 80’s. I know how to connect 4 components to my TV and get them to work, including surround sound! In fact, if there’s any new technology in our house, I am the one who hooks it up and gets it to work (I have just outed my husband who’s not so much about the technology. Sorry, Honey! Trying to make a point). After spending more money on this TV than I did on my first car, I just wanted one simple question answered: Under what circumstances can I use the widescreen function?

“Read the manual,” he said.

I wanted to strangle him at this point. Truly. In my younger years, I might’ve tried. Because I read the stupid manual cover to cover and it didn’t tell me what I wanted to know and that’s why I’m here to talking to you, you snotty little creep who’s never had a girlfriend in your whole life and probably never will!

“The DVD manual,” he said as he walked away.

Oh. If the answer was that easy, why couldn’t we have gotten to it sooner? Did he need to treat me like an absolute moron? I’m sure as he walked away his geeky underpaid maladjusted self-esteem soared having felt he certainly didn’t demystify anything for me and therefore his seat of power was still intact.

After some searching, I found the DVD manual, located the information and changed the setting on the DVD player in about 5 minutes. All on my own. No professional help needed. We have widescreen movies. Cool.

Take that Technotyrants everywhere.