Just Don’t Call Me Fluffy

It has long bothered me that it took me five years to really feel like a mother. Five years! You would think as a single mother of a newborn, I would instantly feel like a mother, but, alas, that was not the case. The weird thing was, I didn’t even realize I felt this way until one day, it hit me full on in the face: Oh my God. I am someone’s mother! Since then, I have wondered why, with all the sleepless nights, diaper changes, baths, messy meals and wet kisses it took me so long.

Then, the other day, in the shower, I had an epiphany (all the really good epiphanies occur in the shower): Young children and pets are the same.

It’s true. Now I am not saying that my daughter is a pet (not anymore, anyway) but caring for children and pets is really, pretty much the same—at least for the first few years. Up until a child is old enough to go out into the world and get into her own trouble (for some, this is sooner than others, I know. I was lucky), parenting has been pretty simple and similar to having a pet.

Let’s compare:

1. Children and pets will disrupt your sleep for years.
Babies are babies and when they are newly unattached from their mothers, they will cry. A lot. Child, cat, dog, I don’t care. They all cry. When the crying stage has passed, each will wake you in the middle of the night for a myriad of reasons. Children need a drink of water, have peed the bed or have bad dreams. Dogs need to go outside. Right now. Unless you want to clean the carpet in the morning. Cats are bored (nocturnal, you know) and want to play. If you have two cats, they think your head is the perfect place to wrestle each other. At any rate, each one of them wants to be in your bed more than any place else and will hog your pillow, your covers and often your entire bed. When you have finally fallen back to sleep, they will all wake you up at the crack of dawn because they are hungry. Even on Saturday.

2. You have to do everything for them.
You feed them, bathe them, and clean up after them. In return, they drool, throw up, pee and shed all over everything in the house. Especially your favorite things. But you can’t be mad because, hey, you signed on for this and well, they are really cute and cuddly and when they look up at you with those big eyes, you just melt.

3. Neither one can tell you what’s wrong.
You only know that something is wrong after they have thrown up on your new couch or left a trail of diarrhea down the hallway. Occasionally, they might be merely lethargic and not interested in their toys or favorite foods. Either way, you will have to guess what might be wrong. Stomachache? Earache? Sore throat? Dehydrated? You will do everything you can think of to make her feel better and when you finally take her to the doctor (vet), he will make you feel like a bad mother (pet owner) because you didn’t come in sooner. Of course, if you go too soon, you are a hysterical mother (pet owner) so there is no winning in this situation.

4. You discipline them a lot.
Whether dealing with a child or pet, a good percentage of your time with them consists of telling them not to do things. Don’t touch! No, no! Get out of there! Get down! Sometimes, they will throw tantrums (kick and scream, rip up your favorite pillow, whatever), but mostly, they listen to you because they want to please you.

5. They really, really like you.
As far as they are all concerned, you are the center of the universe and the best mother (pet owner) that ever lived! You are their favorite person to hug, kiss, lick, whatever. Wherever you are is where they want to be. Right next to you. As close as possible. To your face. Where they look up at you with big eyes and you, once again, melt.

Eventually, children get lives of their own and caring for them is a lot less like caring for Fido or Fluffy. You look at your child one day and realize, wow, she is a fully formed human being with her own logic (and illogic!) and opinions. She’s become pretty independent and doesn’t need you to care for her the way you used to. She can bathe and dress herself now and even get her own breakfast. And mostly, you’re glad, until you realize that now you have to deal with the uncharted territory of playground drama, socialization and impending adolescence!

And really, if that doesn’t make you feel like someone’s mother, nothing will.