Of Internet and Introverts

In my first course of graduate school, I wrote a paper about the Internet and the impact it would have on our everyday lives. At the time, the Internet was relatively new for the everyday user and was touted as being the Best Thing Ever! Checks and cash would be obsolete as all transactions, bill paying, shopping and ordering pizza could all be done on-line with electronic transfers. You could meet people from anywhere in the world and have all the information you would ever need, right at your fingertips. Why, you would never have to leave the house. Or shower and get dressed. Or actually talk to people ever.

I was appalled. Truly. I wrote a scathing paper practically denouncing the Internet as the fall of, not just civilization as we know it, but civilization altogether. I envisioned pasty heavy-weight people sitting around in their underwear mesmerized by the glow of the computer screen living under the illusion they were really living their lives when in reality, they had no life at all. I thought it possible that we would all be sucked up in the vortex of technology and our very humanity would shrivel and die from lack of use. At the time, my professor seemed amused by the passion of my reaction while I thought she was just flat-out in denial. I must say, I understand her amusement now. She knew then what I have come to learn in the past ten years.

Don't believe the hype.

Few things turn out exactly as they are planned. Even fewer things turn out exactly as they are marketed. So even if a bunch of techno geeks think that the idea of living life completely on-line is a desirable and attainable goal, it doesn't mean it is going to happen just that way. There is the always the complete unpredictability of humans to muck up any idealistic vision and often, this is a good thing.

As I look back I realize now that I was completely terrified by the vision of living life on-line because it was so appealing. As an introvert I don't always enjoy having to talk to people either by phone or face to face. On some level, I thought I could easily be one of those chubby pasty-faced people I envisioned in front of the computer having superficial contact with faceless people who may or may not be who they say they are and having no real life or friends to speak of. Let's just say I was prone to near-hysteria by my lack of self-knowledge. At that time, I was living my life as a full-on extrovert (I do a great impression of an extrovert. Many people who know me have no idea that I consider myself an introvert. I have this nervous talking thing which apparently fools a lot of people.) because I thought it was the only way I would ever be successful at anything at all. I had no confidence in who I was, and like so many young women, I put on a masquerade of who I thought I should be and really, who I thought I wanted to be. I thought that as an extrovert (I even managed to fool myself for a while) I was not the sort of person who had need of this technology.

Fortunately, I am a wiser person now. I may not have actual need of this technology but I do find that some days it makes life more manageable.
Like when you are stuck in the house with a screaming infant (why won't he stop? I don't know! Well, I can't take him anywhere!), it is awfully nice to click on a few pictures and have some nice person come to your house to deliver milk, bread and Diet Pepsi.
Or when you are a woman living in outstate Minnesota (outside of Minneapolis-St. Paul that is which means, of course, far less shopping) who has a 34 inch inseam and who would like a pair of pants that does not show your ankles.
Or when you are a fledgling writer who has worked in sales and marketing for 12 years and don't really have a clue about how to get started in this new field and don't know people who could perhaps help you (and even if you did know someone, you would be too afraid to call them anyway).
It is not good, however, for ordering pizza. You are just going to have to suck it up and call the pizza place directly so they can tell you it is going to take 2 hours for your pizza to arrive. This will actually save you a lot of time and energy and prevent a low-blood sugar induced near coma.
See? Those cyber-geeks don't know everything.

My point is this: I decide.

I decide how much I let technology affect my life for either for better or worse. I decide if I am going to live my life as an extrovert or an introvert. I decide if I am going to live my life for other people or for myself. I decide if I am going to be successful or not. I decide who I am.

And the funny thing is, often the answers aren't black or white. It isn't this or that but rather a careful navigation of all the options I have before me. It is rather like walking a tight rope, only the rope has twists and turns, which only makes the journey much more difficult yet more interesting and ultimately more satisfying.

I can safely say, as an older, wiser, stronger woman that I absolutely won't get sucked up in a vortex of technology and my humanity is alive and well and doing just fine, thank you.

Now excuse me, I have to go take a shower...


Disclaimer: The term techno/cyber-geek is in no way intended to be offensive or denigrating to anyone, but rather as a somewhat affectionate term because mostly, I am in awe. I was actually married to a self-professed cyber-geek who I still actually like (he fixes my computer), so if you wish to complain, contact him directly.